The Night My Husband Pimped Me OutMay 17, 2013 at 7:12 pm | Posted in Working Wives of Retired Husbands | Leave a comment
Tags: band, bar, coke, combat, Crown, dance, drink, husband, pimp
We had heard that one of the local dive bars had a pretty good band so we decided to stop in.
By the time we arrived, the band was going strong and the dance floor was packed. Checking things out, we noticed one man in particular. He was a very lively older guy who was never at a loss for dance partners – mainly because he wasn’t shy about asking women to dance.
However, he rarely had the same dance partner twice. We soon learned why. While he was quite vigorous and, it seemed, very nice, his dancing style was rather jarring. Instead of twirling his partners, he flung them – and they better be holding on for dear life! Then when it was time to dance close, he pulled them in tight, clutching them in what appeared to be a death grip!
T and I tripped the light fantastic a few times then found a corner table to relax for a bit. Within a few minutes, Ol’ Rough and Ready sauntered over. After sharing a few howdies and bullcaca with T, he glanced over at me, then looked back at T and asked if he could dance with his girl.
I shot T a warning glance but it was too late. I instantly recognized the mischief in his eyes.
Without a word to me, he said quickly, “Of course, but you’ll need to buy me a drink first.”
Ol’ R & R grinned at me then snagged a waitress to order my turncoat husband a drink. I threw T my best “what the heck??” look but he just smiled happily like he’d won some kind of prize.
Before I could escape, the band started up with a new song, R & R grabbed my hand, and we were off.
Now I’d never experienced hand to hand combat before – but that was about to change.
I was jerked and hurled and bear-hugged and lobbed – with ol’ R & R just beaming the whole time. Every once in a while I would catch a glimpse of my husband drinking his illicitly obtained drink and laughing his buttocks off.
And I swear the band played the song through more than once!
As soon as the ordeal was over, I smiled politely and made a beeline for T.
“I can’t believe you sold me out for a Crown and coke!” I said.
“Well then,” he replied, “you better run. ‘Cause he’s coming back and I’m ready for another one!”